It was circular thinking at it's worst. No matter the question, no matter the doubts, no matter the "why am I" it always came back to how quickly Penny had spread her legs and given in to those two men. How could a faithful wife do that?I didn't get much done at work that day. I sat in my office and stared out the window and cursed the day that I'd heard the guys talking about Steve and Marsha. I thought about my marriage and Penny. I thought about her final comment when I left the bedroom about working out the details of the separation. I didn't want a separation! I loved her. There had been some major changes for both of us over the last several months, but none of that made me love her any less. Granted, I was pretty fucked up in the head right then what with all the suspiciousness that the previous night had generated and I wasn't sure how I would take it if I found out for sure that she was cheating on me, but separation followed by a divorce was not an option for me. I loved. But she only ordered a coke. I ordered a beer. We sat and talked about her future. Her parents have gave in already and she was going to Stanford. That meant she would only be at the most a forty five minute drive away.We sat down for dinner and had a wonderful conversation about the Bay Area, and all the things she wants to see here. One thing she brought up was, she always wanted to have a fire on the beach in the moon light and make love to the sound of waves crashing! That thought had my mind swimming!After dinner I drove, she had fell asleep on the way home. She woke when I entered her driveway. She reached in her purse and clicked the garage door remote. "Pull in here, stay a bit." She said. I pulled in the garage and shut the car off.She slid over to me and kissed me. She whispered. "Come up stairs. I want to show you something."I was still conflicted. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she had in mind. But there was that part of me that still wasn't ok with this.
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